Mast Cell Mom

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During spring of 2020, the United States was put into an unprecedented shutdown of my entire lifetime. I was pouring 100+% of myself into helping fulfill remote school checklists and requirements all while my POTS and MCAS were debilitating. One day I was looking through my phone and I found this video that the kids took of me collapsed on the couch from a low blood pressure episode. When this happens, I shake, become very weak, and I can't keep my eyes open. Usually, I will fall asleep with my head on the kitchen table, but I remember this day because I could feel it starting to happen so I asked Micah if we could play Doctor so that I had an excuse to lay down. I don't even think it took me a minute before I was asleep.  I'm tremendously proud of how the kids take care of me in such circumstances. I am very fortunate to have their care and love, but I also feel sad that they felt the need to video tape this moment. 

This is a great visual for the mental health community. I really love it. I would love to create one for the chronic illness/invisible illness community. There are so many things that a person with a daily illness would like to add, but it's not at all easy for us to admit these statements. It takes a lot of vulnerability. My own unique "I'm having a bad day because" statements would include, but not limited to:  "This post nasal drip is choking me and going to make me lose my mind." "I have the most painful eye sockets. Does ___ notice that my eyes look as puffy as they feel?" "I can't stop trembling, shaking, or get rid of this internal buzzing. Can____notice I'm shaking?" "Oh no, I have fuzzy vision again." "I'm so embarrassed by my inability to think of simple words." "The rash on my face is so red. It just burns. It's all I can think about. I feel so ugly right now." ...

Red Cheeks. I attempted peanut butter and this is what happened. This is *with* coverup on and it still shines brightly through.  45 minutes later... The day after when the shakes wouldn't go away no matter how much I ate or water I drank. For five days in a row, this has been my day in and day out. Ever taken care of kids--alone--with hypotension? It's tough! Let me preface all of this by saying, I get low blood pressure moments every.single.day of my life . It's my daily normal and I hardly even think anything of it anymore. I can bend over to pick up a toy, my vision goes blurry and my legs start to stiffen. I will reach up into the cupboard and I can feel my body going limp, yet my heart races. My body internally buzzes all day and all night. It's all very strange to describe, but I'm so used to it and understand what's happening, that anyone around me wouldn't know that I'm "just about" to pass out. I usually close my eyes...

I am a woman of faith. It IS BECAUSE OF MY FAITH that each new day is a hope and a blessing. I believe The Lord uses people for His plan. While my physical pain is laughable compared to the majority of this world suffering with far worse, such as cancers or persecutions, I know He still uses my laughable pain when I let Him use me. Just last Friday I learned that my daily symptoms (minus the low fever) is actually not a daily cold, but it's a daily sinus infection. Every day my MCAS feels like and mimics a sinus infection. Even after a round of antibiotics, I'm no "better" except that the low fever is gone. Every other symptom is still there, and I'm so sad to admit that the post nasal drip is even worse. The-bane-of-my-existence- symptom is now worse. 😢 The enemy will do that. It's the one symptom that I so desperately want to go away, and this past week, after antibiotics, it's worse than ever. Why? How? If that's not an attack to my spiritual ...

Living with my MCAS causes me to feel like I have a cold every day. {correction: what I thought I was feeling was a cold was diagnosed as a sinus infection by my MD.}. Some days it's mild and other days it's beyond mild; just depends if I'm "triggered" or in a flare. What I mean is, my nose always runs, my eyes usually ache or swell, or I have chronic post nasal drip (which can't be seen, but I assure you, it's maddening); which, in turn, gives me either a sore or a dry throat on the daily. I'm usually 2 days into a "real" cold before I even know I'm actually battling a cold *virus* because, up until that point, I assume it's the MCAS cold-like symptoms; because they're a daily symptom for me. I'm usually realizing that I'm "actually sick" when a real cold virus is on the downslide. That's how much the MCAS symptoms mimic a cold virus.  😐 It's not as though it's something I'm going to talk ab...

First off, let me preface this meme by saying I have some amazingly, incredibly sweet, and genuinely thoughtful friends. This isn't directed toward any individual friends, but it's directed toward social scenarios with people who don't know or understand what I have wrong with me. So, I'm just making this very clear: this isn't about individual friendships or the people who know that I have MCAS. It's the way I FEEL when I'm in a crowd of "peers" in social situations where people know of me, but not about me  (for example: kid birthday parties, school functions, etc). While no one is making me feel this way, it's how I perceive the way that they may be looking at me and this is why. They're sitting there eating anything they want and I'm not. I sip on my home-brought hot beverage because water, yes; water, can trigger a flare (read a label on a water bottle and all of the preservatives are why). They stare at my empty place setti...