I Choose to Make Life Good!

Living with my MCAS causes me to feel like I have a cold every day. {correction: what I thought I was feeling was a cold was diagnosed as a sinus infection by my MD.}. Some days it's mild and other days it's beyond mild; just depends if I'm "triggered" or in a flare. What I mean is, my nose always runs, my eyes usually ache or swell, or I have chronic post nasal drip (which can't be seen, but I assure you, it's maddening); which, in turn, gives me either a sore or a dry throat on the daily. I'm usually 2 days into a "real" cold before I even know I'm actually battling a cold *virus* because, up until that point, I assume it's the MCAS cold-like symptoms; because they're a daily symptom for me. I'm usually realizing that I'm "actually sick" when a real cold virus is on the downslide. That's how much the MCAS symptoms mimic a cold virus.  😐

It's not as though it's something I'm going to talk about to anyone, but I blow my nose during and after every meal, as well as multiple times in between meals, each day "just because". But, the daily symptom that affects me on a psychological level, is the chronic post nasal drip. It's so disgustingly thick that it sometimes chokes me and I can't even swallow. I brush my teeth 3-5 times a day because the bad taste in my mouth is sometimes, honestly, unbearable. {side note; it makes me feel absolutely self-conscious as I pride myself on good hygiene and no matter what I do, I can't maintain fresh breath}. I have nagging sore eyes accompanied with sinus pressure, as though I have a sinus infection or similar, but I don't. These are just *some* of my daily not-a-cold, but-seems-like-a-cold symptoms.

Funny enough, my father in law was sweetly complimenting on a recent facebook profile picture and I told him that no one would know how much I suffered for all the "tricks" I was doing with the kids during that photo shoot and he could hardly believe that I was as sick as I was describing, but yes-- YES--I may have looked just fine, but I was far from fine. I was coughing so badly at one point that I grabbed a bag and was dry heaving while gagging on phlegm and hyperventilating all at the same time. Quite a show, let me tell you. But, I take a deep breath, dry off my face, smooth my hair, smear a little bit of color on my lips, smile, and no one knows the wiser. It's been my 'bag of tricks' for years now. And, from looks and comments from most people, it works like a charm.

I say all of this because when a person, such as myself, lives each day as though he/she is sick then actually becoming sick becomes "whatever" while the average individual would describe my daily symptoms as "I'm sick". Another person's "cold" is my daily. Today is day 15 of some type of chronic bronchial/flu virus. I've coughed for 15 days, can hardly breathe out of my nose, struggle to catch my breath, feeling completely energy-less, and starting yesterday, even have burning in my lungs--which is the *only* symptom that does have me concerned. I'm doing 2x a day nebulizer treatments. But, two weeks of this, and I'm plugging on with life as usual assuming that it's the MCAS making this healing very delayed. It's not unusual for people with MCAS to have this happen.

So, I did what any other sick person who has a very limited diet does when they are experiencing painful coughing and burning pains in their lungs...I keep on living. Instead of resting, I made waffles so that my kids (and myself) have yummy, safe food to eat when we get hungry. But when I'm used to pressing on with my daily cold, a couple more notches up on the "sickness dial" doesn't hold me down from fulfilling the motherly duties that I know are best for my kids and for me.

     

These homemade waffles (versus eating a store bought gluten free waffle) are the difference between a happy stomach and a fetal position stomachache with painful bloating. It's the difference between calm cheeks versus raging hot, burning, and itching cheeks or a clear head instead of dizzy headaches with brain fog. Most importantly, 'safe food' is what minimizes and helps control my otherwise uncontrollable near passing out moments and bodily trembling that are exasperated by the POTS.

So, these are just a *few* of the reasons I can't let a major virus hold me down and risk not having anything safe to eat to risk eating something unsafe. I depend on me being strong, but my kids depend on me more so that they can "just be" kids. And that's very important to me.

So, next time I tell you "I'm good." I probably just have my daily cold or I could have some kind of flu virus (or whatever in the world this crazy mutant sickness is that lasts for 15 days straight?!😷🤷). I'm just so used to feeling sick that whether I'm sick or not, I'm good. I'm in the "prime of my life" and I'm trying to always remember, it's good to just be alive! 

It doesn't discount the fact that I'm terribly sad that the girls' entire Christmas vacation from school was spent with, ultimately me, being sick and unable to go 'above and beyond' for them the way that I envision such a break to go. 

**January 6, 2020 addendum**: The burning lung pain is "cough induced fractured ribs. I was keeping myself from taking any kind of my compounded OTC pain meds since Friday thinking that my bronchitis was turning into pneumonia and I didn't want to "mask" any fever symptoms. When the fever never came, but the burning and wincing-induced torso pain continued, I knew something infectious wasn't happening, but what was this lung burning with inhalation mixed with painful movement attributed to? A rib fracture and muscles in rib area were probably pulled from all of this crazy coughing. I feel even more thankful because I was nervous it was turning infectious and, it's not. Thank you, Lord!

Only wishing that Jim wasn't traveling this whole week. God give me the strength...😉😜