Mast Cell Mom

The last month has been the bumpiest, muddiest, zig zagging off roading of this condition that I've experienced since late spring. It's not something I'm talking about in much "detail" with most anyone, even my own husband, but I don't think I have to talk in "detail" because it's all being expressed through my low patience, low energy, and put-off days. I'm beyond exhausted, if that's such a thing? I'm on the verge of tears, but never actually cry in front of anyone, but don't go putting on any sappy or praise and worship music on when I'm in one of these moods because I just might. Thinking about the simplest of activities that I need to do wear me out before I've even done them. I'm literally psyching myself up for days beforehand and hoping, wishing, and praying that I won't get a visual facial reaction rash to make me feel even worse than I probably already feel about myself. The last six weeks I'm fe...

While I'm not someone who dresses in costume and celebrates Halloween, most people who dress up in a costume mask are doing so to cover up their face, right? They want to disguise, be someone different, and masquerade as as pseudo personality. Usually the purpose of a mask is to hide ones face underneath of it. But, in my personal life, I'm trying to cover up a mask I didn't choose to wear and that I don't want to wear.  I'm a mom. It's my duty (and privilege) to "arrive" to life on a daily basis. I am the person who takes kids to school, attends kid-related functions (gymnastics, play groups, school functions, etc), and then there's my own personal enjoyment activities such as Mom's groups, teaching Sunday School church, or public events with family or friends to attend. Sometimes I have to arrive to such things, but just because I'm not feeling well most days doesn't mean that I don't wish to enjoy such events either. It...

💛 This. This is the intersection I stand in every day of my life, but the only difference is there's rarely time to "rest" with three young kids. "But you are a stay-at-home-mom so isn't that what you do all day?" Hahahaha. That's small minded thinking. Though, yes, thankfully, with only my son at home while his sisters are in school, the ability to 'rest' is more than it was this past summer. But, resting all day isn't fair to him and neither is letting my illness ruin me. And when an ill person can't get rest, they start to feel ruined.  Ruin and rest. There are more days than not that the feeling of ruin wins over the feelings of rested. It's just a fact of motherhood, and that's not motherhood with an illness! So, now, sprinkle on the illness and there's so very little rest. And when there's even a morsel of rest, it's not enough to remotely fill half the tank.  I'm trying so hard to be the best...

Long gone are the days that I can just run into Walmart, Target, or CVS and buy some quick make up. This is where MCAS gets complicated, once again. MCAS is a touchy, smelly, pain-inducing syndrome and I say that literally and figuratively because when lotions or chemicals touch my skin; it can set off a reaction. If I smell something over powering, it will trigger vertigo-like symptoms; which set off my POTS. If I eat something problematic, my whole body can and (most likely) will be in pain; especially in my stomach and my face.  Once upon a time, not too many years ago, I was developing mouth sores, scalp sores, my eyes were always swollen and painfully black and blue, my face was red and peeling like it was sunburned, and I was getting ulcers inside my mouth and in the back of my throat. I had a ton of racing thoughts in my mind: Cancer? Lupus? Alien? 👽😉 Not going to lie, I was clueless and I was reaching (desperately searching) for answers to all the madness that was ...

I do not like to post my facial rashes (because they make me feel insecure), but when I get rashes on my body then I start to think that maybe I need to come out with what goes on with me under my clothes or behind the makeup? But, truth be told, this is part of who I am and I need to let go of my pride and bring awareness to what I encounter on most days of my life. I've been covering this up, quite literally, for years. I know it's time to start showing vulnerability and becoming more transparent.  Yesterday I got into the shower and noticed I had a rash all over my legs and arms. Why? I really don't know. I suspect it's something I ate, because that's usually why I get such rashes, but I truly don't know. And, here's the deal, this rash isn't anything I haven't had before but when I'm on enough anti-histamines that it's weird to think I could still get any kind of allergic reaction rash, but I most certainly do. Will I ever know exact...